nothing but dreams and hopes

I want to find a foster home for kids and to find the light of happiness, I want to see how just a new presence in somebody’s life can light a pear of eyes fallen in the darkness of this fucking life. I hope to find one kid there to show that this life it’s worth living though for some there is no hope.

If I find there, eyes that can glow or eyes that can have that desire of life, that means I’m a fucking bastard that complains about a life that’s almost nice, rather than complaining about a life that is almost empty, like a life of some kids from a foster home.

Did you ever felt lost inside this labyrinth of decisions and steps that we call life? I’m feeling lost everyday, somehow or somewhere. Sometimes during a day I feel like I don’t belong to that part of the world, or I don’t belong to that part of the day. And I feel lost, I’m struggling to keep my head out of these things that keeps us so linked to reality, a reality that we build every day we live.

Every time we make a friend, or every morning when we live to work, we add more and more information and more and more links between us like individuals and society around us. We scream for knowledge and we are hungry for feelings, for words to keep us in this world, to keep us in a world where we have families and friends and social life.

But when we are alone, only you and you realize that you are only somebody between others manufactured life’s, you feel yourself lost, what if you didn’t decided for a friend to come into your life, what if he decided that, what if your birth it’s linked only to your parents desire of happiness, you are just a product of people that surrounds you.

You interact, and you change yourself depending of people that you are linked to, so I’m going to try a different approach of this life, and take control, and do something with it. I want to see, I want to find somebody else that feels the same. That feels that this world it’s only a world we see with our own eyes, and I want to have questions about how life really is.

Real life, not my world witch I see trough my eyes. I want to see if this world has the power to hide, I want to see if we have the power to change this world, to feel different and to see reality around us.

Whenever you take a decision think about it, see it like a change in the future, how that change will affect your future, if that decision will make you, change yourself in somebody else that you don’t want to become.

With every decision we take, let’s make this life better, for us and or the people around us, let’s find a balance between our desired reality and other’s desired reality’s. Ask a close friend or a member of your family what’s a perfect life for him, and try to build it inside your perfect life. You will see how dreams are so hard to mix.

So, this is the secret to a happy life, the life I told you about when I searched for happiness, the life that I want to build myself around me and it takes so long. The life in witch I’m happy, and people around me are happy, I want to find the person that will feel happy, about sharing my dreams, or a person that dreams the same like I do, so we can melt our 2 perfect life’s into one.

That’s the perfection and happiness I’m looking for. So I hope one day I will be stupid enough to take a decision that will change my life and I will have the power to let, to build happiness around me, or to build a life in witch I’m happy.

life without you

I had a thought these days, and I don't know if I'm crazy or not, maybe I am, or maybe not, time will tell. In my thought I give up my dreams, my job, my everything for something new, or for something I think that will worth this action.

It took let's say a couple of years to build everything I have but in my opinion I can forget about everything in one second if I will have the option to have something better then what I have now. Let's say I fallow my dreams I fallow whatever I did untill now, and I end up in one day, just with my dreams, instead of whatever I can have if I fallow another path.

I'm just thinking that I can build everything again, or I can have other dreams better then the ones I have now, or not better just let's say, dreams built with somebody else, dreams in 2.

Ok .. stop .. I started to write this .. before a long discussion .. now .. I don't feel like writing any more .. so .. let's forget about what I said .. and .. maybe one day I will finish this. Ciau .. and .. let's hope for better days to come ahead ..

Happines

Why do we even try to be happy, when happiness it's only a dream? We hold it in our hands for one second or for one minute or for one hour, or in the best case for a lifetime. I guess we never expect that happiness will come or we don't expect the happiness that we have to fade away. We can not see further then the eyes can see, in our precious life we live with our hearts, we live with our thoughts, we live with our happiness and we live with our beliefes.

Is this a good life that we are liveing or we are just trying to keep walking because one day for one second or for one minute or even for a life time we'll be happy? I'm just trying to find an answer or I'm just trying to ask again for a little happiness.

It's even more ocuard how happiness can be packed, it happened for those amongst us that we are the luckiest that this happiness to be packed and delivered for one second so you will not have the time to feel it, to hug it, to know it. But for people who had the chance to taste the happiness, to love it, to embrace it, and when happiness looks like the most beautiful face you ever saw in your life, then you got yourself into a big trouble, because you will love it. You will love to be happy, you can hold your breath and happiness will give you air, you can make a bet with the devil that the happiness you have will last for an eternity because this is how it makes you feel, this is how happiness feels like, it changes your heart it changes you forever.

For the people that felt this for a long time, it's hard to let go, and it's hard to not dream yourself being happy, making all those things you done in the time when you were happy.

For me it was a time when I was happy, I can say that even now I'm happy, but it's not the same, it's not the same happiness, I'm laughing because I have to, I'm laughing because it's needed in this society, but somewhere in the past, happiness laid in my path and it gaved me the feeling that those days where the brightest in my life, that those days where the days of my life, now when it's gone.

It's the moment when we decide to let go and jump with our eyes opened or with them shut, and to plunge inside the light of happiness, a light that blinds us. We can't to see that in the same moment you loose everything, you will be in the worst state you can ever be.

I was one of the unlucky people who tasted it, and now I'm walking on the streets trying to steal it from those who have it. I'm watching every face who passes by me, and if you see the light in their eyes, if just for one second you see the smile of a happy person, you try with everything you have to get a good look and hope that it will last you till the next person who passes by. You think that they have what you had, the only thing that matters in this life. The thing that can make our lives glow or the only thing that can make our smile hide in the shadow of sadness.

I'm not complaining, I had enough happy moments that it can last me for a lifetime, whatever I do from now on, It's just because I have the chance to dream more about myself beeing happy.

It takes a brave heart to face the facts then to hide from them; it takes a brave soul to keep loving someone no matter what, and not to put them aside for some reasons. And like a good friend said, "I do care, I care about world peace and I really want wounded birds to fly", but is that enough? Can one thought change the world, can your thoughts change your life, and can you decide what's good and what's bad.

It seams like for every second of happiness somebody else has one second of unhappy life, for every smile on a face, there is a tear falling on another one, for every first breath that a new borne child takes another last breath goes away, for every drop of rain that falls giving birth it's another one that kills.

I want this world to have just on one side so we'll never know the other part, so we'll never have the chance to live and to know if better or worst time will come, or if we are happy or not. Indeed the more you learn the less you know, for every thing you find out there are another two that you have to learn about.

For those out there who had the chance to be happy, or for those out here who are happy in this second, I have only one advice, either you forget about it, or do whatever it takes to hold it there. If you are happy when it rains, move where it rains the most. If you are happy when your dog it's around you, take him along with you everywhere you go. If you love somebody, love with everything you have and enjoy every moment you have of happiness because it's possible that one day the only thing that makes you happy not to be there, and then you will see also the tear that drops, or the breath that goes away, or the rain that kills, or how meaningless is your life without the only thing that makes you happy.

And because I'm an optimist and a little bit selfish because even now I want to taste the flavor of happiness I will late you know about my happiness and in the same time I will have the chance to remember myself in those days. It once started when I opened my eyes and I saw happiness, I had the chance to kiss happiness, to hug it, to love it, to wake up every morning and smile like a happy person. I walked hand in hand with my happiness, I drank coffee beeing happy, I had this happynes inside every little part of my body. I said good things and I said bad things when I was happy, and worst then all these things I even had the guts to look at my happines and say bye and let go without doing nothing.

I hope that another person has my happynes, I hope my happynes lives for somebody else now, and it make's other people as happy as I was. I was happy, and one day I want to be again stupid enough to let happynes come into my life.